Kirsten Panachyda

Writer, Speaker, Singer-Songwriter

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Tag: faith

A Simple Birthday Card

                        Unsent

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Do you procrastinate ordinary things? And the more time that goes by, the more the thing looms and gains importance? A simple birthday card, waiting for a stamp. Now it’s late- you can’t just send it like that, so you open it to add a handwritten letter. Now it needs a stamp and a new envelope. More time goes by- you can’t just send it like that. It needs a small gift, so you set aside the card, letter, and torn envelope until you can shop, wrap, package, and go to the post office.

Your friend never gets her birthday card. Or so I’ve heard.

My dear blog friends, this is your birthday card. The longer life pushed off writing, the more I felt that the next post had to be profound. Life-changing! The Best Thing I’ve ever written!

Would it be okay if I just let you know that God is still holding on to me- and I know He will do the same for you?

There have been lots of ups and downs in the last month. Crisis returned to visit as Nicholas’s stability crumbled. He did an incredible job of seeking help, and ended up staying in a psychiatric facility near his college for a week. He’s doing much better now, but his semester took a nosedive. Dan and I went on a couple’s vacation and had a wonderful time. We spent Thanksgiving break working through options for Nicholas and supporting him as he tried to make up missed school work. Things were looking up. A couple days after he returned to school after break, he called for another intense conversation. He’s decided to salvage as many of the credits for the fall semester as possible, and then… not return to college.

There are many paths, and college is only one of them. I fully acknowledge that reality.

Also real: discouragement, disappointment, concern for the future, a teeny bit of selfish regret that empty-nesting only lasted three months, a deep longing that Nicholas will find his path, sadness that mental illness will probably always be a factor.

More real than any of that:

“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life,

nor angels, nor principalities,

nor things present, nor things to come,

nor powers,

nor height, nor depth,

nor any other created thing,

will be able to separate us from the love of God,

which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans‬ ‭8:38-39‬ ‭NASB‬‬

How are all of you doing?

Wonders of Old

When I tell our story, I often say that for now, we are on the other side of the “crisis years.” During those three plus years of teetering on the edge, it seemed like we would never be okay again. There were days when I was sure Nicholas would not outlive his teen years. But even in those dark times of endless stress, God shed His light on our way. He brought unexpected comfort and fun, even a (carefully managed) family vacation. He sent people to guide, educate, and be part of the care team. Most of all, Holy Spirit spoke to our hearts about our security in God’s love.

During your crisis time, has there been light on your way? What are the moments and provisions that point you back to the love of God?

For me, living in the for now, fear is something to battle. It likes to creep around on the edges of my mind and pounce when I’m feeling tired or something has triggered painful memories. Fear itself is not real, in that its object is not part of my current situation. However, it’s not based on unreality either. Nicholas has a chronic illness. Bipolar Disorder needs to be managed, and relapses are possible. The fact is we might actually be in between crisis times, and there’s no way to know.

Circumstances can change at any time, but God never does. When we are again in the day of trouble, there is a way to peace:

“I shall remember the deeds of the Lord;
Surely I will remember Your wonders of old.
I will meditate on all Your work, and muse on all Your deeds.
Your way, O God, is holy;
What god is great like our God?
You are the God who works wonders;
You have made known Your strength among the peoples.”
Psalm 77:11-14

Did God perform wonders for me in the crisis years? Yes- my whole heart, my intact marriage, my close relationships with my sons, and especially my magnified trust in God all testify to what He did in and for me. Remembrance battles fear now, and will help me survive future crisis. The writer of the psalm emphasizes the principle with a call to muse, to meditate.

How about you? Go back to what came to mind about the light, moments, and provisions God brought you during crisis. How has He shown His love and faithfulness to you? Challenge yourself to make a list of people, resources, glimpses of beauty, spiritual insights, personal growth and whatever else you are grateful for.

When the light seems dim, go back and meditate on God’s wonders of old.

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