I had a recurring fantasy. If I happened to be by myself with the car (which was not often), I could picture it. Stopping at the bank and withdrawing the maximum amount. Going to the gas station and filling the tank. Popping into the grocery store and stocking up on unperishables.
And then just taking off.
I had tried and tried, fought and fought, but was still losing the war. My kid’s mental illness beat me at every turn. I felt so defeated.
Years ago my husband and I attended a workshop called Growing Kids God’s Way. We didn’t agree with everything in the program, but we learned some helpful lessons. Mostly, it helped us decide we wanted to do this parenting thing with and for God. And ever so subtly, we swallowed the idea that if we did everything right and tried hard, we would win at the parenting game.
But then came depression, self-harm, hospitalizations, suicidal ideation, then attempts… How were people of faith supposed to parent a kid with mental illness? We didn’t even know what winning looked like anymore, but we sure knew what defeat felt like.
What can help?
• Change the definition. When I knew, deep down, that to God winning at parenting meant faithfulness and not a “successful” outcome, everything changed. My sore heart began to mend. Keep walking, depending, and trusting in God. Faithfulness is victory.
• Take a break from social media, especially around Mothers and Fathers Days or graduation.
• Enjoy small moments of joy or progress.
• But don’t take the blame or let your peace be destroyed by setbacks. Even when you-know-what hits the fan again. Lack of crisis is not victory. Faithfulness is victory. One step in front of the other.
• Let your soul soak in this instruction and assurance: “Therefore if you have been raised with Christ [to a new life, sharing in His resurrection from the dead], keep seeking the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind and keep focused habitually on the things above [the heavenly things], not on things that are on the earth [which have only temporal value]. For you died [to this world], and your [new, real] life is hidden with Christ in God.” (Colossians 3:1-3 Amplified Version)
You belong to the One who faithfully walked this earth, who had “success” with very few, and who now lives, making all this stuff work together for our good.
Faithfulness for the win.